Satyamev Jayate and "Mardangini"

It is important that issues of masculinity are talked about in India.
And one important platform (if not the only) for that is the new TV show Satyamev Jayate (new in the sense that I just found out about it).

Usually in India, the culture is so deeply ingrained in its normal routine, that it does not even realize it is steeped in patriarchy. One exemplary analogy for this is a fish that does not realize it is surrounded by water, because it has never seen a complement. I think a show like Satyamev Jayate was desperately needed to make Indians aware of this "water" that they are swimming in, if you will. I think that Indians in India do have a sense that in other countries, women are treated more equally, or are more "westernized", but unfortunately that is seen as a direct threat to Indian "tradition" and "culture". I know from personal experience, that especially older Indians, get defensive about this topic and puff out their chest in pseudo-nationalistic pride. I say pseudo because if they were really nationalistic, they would be open to constructive change on how to make their country better. But what they are doing instead is just trying to keep a old system alive for fear of change, which is not related to its citizens' benefit at all.

Arguably though, there is still a lot of change that needs to be done. It reminds me of something The Indian Male Feminist said on the controversial Youtube video "Will you Marry a Raped Girl?" Ignoring the crass title, the fact that they found some "heroes" who were willing to. Bullshit. You don't get brownie points for that, just as you don't get brownie points for not raping someone when you have the opportunity to get away with it. That is just the baseline for being a decent human being. You don't get a reward for meeting the minimum. Which makes the people of the opposite opinion even more sad, because they don't even meet that baseline. It is true that the majority of people think this way, though that is no excuse for rewarding the ones that don't. You can't stoop to such low expectations, because then India will be fucked. How messed up is it that we would be grateful for such kindness (*sarcasm intended*). The truth is, there will always be people that go above and beyond without any praise or incentives, simply because they are capable of understanding empathy, and capable of thinking that just because they are nice also doesn't mean they are doing a great "sacrifice" and it also doesn't mean that the bestowed is to be pitied or victimized.

The same thing is seen in Satyamev Jayate, where at the end of the "Mardangini" episode, they have examples of men who have changed. A few examples are of men who admitted that they used to beat their wives and then they finally realized that it was WRONG and EVIL and now they don't anymore and then the audience claps and gives them an ovation while the men look proud at their achievement. Again, bullshit.If you need to have an epiphany that beating others is wrong, there is seriously something wrong with you and ideally, you need to go back in the womb again and start life all over again. After all, women have known this all along and they don't get recognized for not hurting anyone.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they *do* deserve this praise, after realizing this life lesson in a profoundly patriarchal society. I guess my standard for humanity is so high that I just cannot relate or sympathize at all. I don't know. Tell me what you think? Is this an achievement or not or simply part of being a decent person?

Ghar Jamai Raja

It amazes me, that even in 2014 we still have outdated notions that just will not quit! 

One example of this happened the day before yesterday. My family and I were relaxing on the couch and the topic of the Hindi serial "Ghar Jamai Raja" (Loose Translation: King of the House, Son-In-Law) came up. It is a serial where basically the guy moves in with the girl's family and rules the roost, being lazy and not doing anything, and generally being expected to be treated as a king.

 Now, as my age gets closer and closer to marriageable age, my parents used me as an example to explain what the name of the serial meant. "For example, IAF, if your husband moved in with us, how funny would that be!". I got the sense that it was supposed to be emasculating if a guy moved into a girl's parent's home. But in situations where I detect sexism, I usually just pretend I don't understand and get them to explain thoroughly so hopefully they hear just how stupid they sound. "So why did mom move into dad's house then? Wouldn't that be funny too?" My mom gave an uncomfortable laugh and said, "no beta, that's the tradition, the way it's supposed to be". 

They thought it was despicable if a guy moved into a girl's parent's home and they had to take care of him, as a burden, but if the opposite happened it was a "tradition"? I suppose in exchange of the boy's family taking the girl in, she was expected to do household work, almost as a new maid. Finally, after I kept asking why it was so different between both the sexes,  my grandma laughed helplessly and said, "It's because you are a daughter, and your "husband" is a son. That's why it's different". 

Ohhh. Now I get it. NOT. My parents have never treated me less than, especially since we live in the US and also because I won't let them, but I can't believe that in things like this, I am still discriminated against. I said my grandma laughed helplessly because it sounded like there was nothing she could do about it, that that's just the way things are. I hate it when people think like that and I admit even I think like that sometimes, but all those traditions then become a box that is imprisoning and restricting us. I wish I could explain to my grandma that the customs do not control us, we control the customs. If we don't like the way something is done, we should make our own history. And damn the old "lekin log kya kahenge?" (Translation: But what will people say?) 

Anyways, my parents agreed that I am not ready for "marriage" yet because I have not acquired all the virtues of being a good wife, and those virtues are necessary for making a marriage last b/c *gasp* it is up to the woman to adjust and in the words of Tim Gunn, "make it work tm" Some of those virtues they mentioned are being tolerant (sahansil), and hardworking. I tried explaining to them that I didn't think being tolerant was going to win brownie points, especially since it is very easy for that tolerance to turn into tolerance of abuse and insults, just for the sake of *preserving* the marriage. I think the concept is still foreign to them. But I think they really are afraid of getting me "married" because to them I am unpredictable and unstable and it would be better for me not to get married at all than to get married and come home to them and say "I am back! It didn't work out!".

 Because don't you know, I'm supposed to make the marriage work AT ALL COSTS. Even if I am not happy I should make a facade and pretend to be happy and that everything is perfect because a marriage is supposed to be FOREVER and DIVORCE is not an option. It will bring shame upon the family. SHAME, I tell you. SHAME. /end sarcasm

I don't think my family is ready to be that liberal yet, but with two feminists in the house (me and my apprentice sister), they will be forced to broaden their horizon, whether they like it or not.