http://thefederalist.com/2015/06/24/why-bobby-jindal-is-very-problematic/
http://www.rawstory.com/2015/06/bobby-jindal-enters-presidential-race-with-support-of-just-one-likely-gop-voter-new-poll-finds/
http://www.indolink.com/Living/America/a91.php
http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/from-piyush-to-bobby-how-does-jindal-feel-about-his-familys-past/2015/06/22/7d45a3da-18ec-11e5-ab92-c75ae6ab94b5_story.html
http://blogs.theadvocate.com/politicsblog/2014/11/25/bobby-jindal-shares-family-hunting-photos-on-social-media/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmNM0oj79t8
http://www.firstpost.com/world/bobby-jindals-us-presidential-bid-five-reasons-hes-never-going-win-2310188.html
Friday, June 26, 2015
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
0
Does it feel like no matter what we achieve, we will always be judged on our attractiveness and "Femaleness" by men?
These are a few examples below:
Here is an example of a subreddit where the members agreed that they clicked on it b/c of the girl, then stayed b/c of the cool thing. http://www.reddit.com/r/UNBGBBIIVCHIDCTIICBG/
Here a female rocket scientist was lauded for how well she could cook:http://www.salon.com/2013/04/01/ground_breaking_female_rocket_scientist_sure_could_cook/
And a goodie about girls doing math from xkcd:http://news.sciencemag.org/sites/default/files/styles/thumb_article_l/public/sn-stereotypes.jpg?itok=4PyeahZP
_________________________________________
It feels like before we are even given a chance to explain ourselves, we are automatically seen as FEMALE or WOMAN instead of human by men. This is the exact same reason female infanticide is so prevalent: they are seen as female first and foremost instead of human. It makes me so made because when we are born, we don't have a fucking clue what we are! We just "exist". I didn't know I was female when I was born, I was a baby.
It sucks that people dump all these connotations, previously held beliefs and their own biases on someone that is like a blank slate and hasn't even figured out who THEY are. And this continues as we grow up.
I don't think of myself as female. I just see "me" in the mirror. I feel sorry for men who don't...who don't think of women as having rich interior lives that rival their own and only think of them as stereotypes (nurturing mother, slut), accessories, or sex objects. (Example given here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esa3R-YzTmo&t=0m24s) This dude clearly says, when seeing a woman, he sees her as a sex object first. And that is clear BS, don't give me crap about it being male hormones or testosterone. That goes into dangerous territory about men not being able to "control" themselves.
It sucks that people dump all these connotations, previously held beliefs and their own biases on someone that is like a blank slate and hasn't even figured out who THEY are. And this continues as we grow up.
I don't think of myself as female. I just see "me" in the mirror. I feel sorry for men who don't...who don't think of women as having rich interior lives that rival their own and only think of them as stereotypes (nurturing mother, slut), accessories, or sex objects. (Example given here:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Esa3R-YzTmo&t=0m24s) This dude clearly says, when seeing a woman, he sees her as a sex object first. And that is clear BS, don't give me crap about it being male hormones or testosterone. That goes into dangerous territory about men not being able to "control" themselves.
It reminds me of what my english teacher said about how men didn't know what went on in women's minds until the mid 1900's, they didn't even know if women could think or not. They thought it was "buzzing" like a bumblebee's hive. That's probably not true, but gives insight on how men thought of women.
The clitoris was not explored until recently, while the penis has been glorified for ages. Even in medical trials, most don't know how a trial will affect women because almost all involve male test subjects and how it affects men. Women are othered, feared and thought of as inferior in regards to femininity. And it's sad because I didn't have a choice in whether to be female or not. If I could pick, don't you think I would've chosen the "higher" masculinity? No one wants to be inferior.
The clitoris was not explored until recently, while the penis has been glorified for ages. Even in medical trials, most don't know how a trial will affect women because almost all involve male test subjects and how it affects men. Women are othered, feared and thought of as inferior in regards to femininity. And it's sad because I didn't have a choice in whether to be female or not. If I could pick, don't you think I would've chosen the "higher" masculinity? No one wants to be inferior.
Reminds me of this article where if there's a shortage of men, some women "become" men and are allowed to do masculine activities that women aren't, proving that women CAN do these things. It seems like women NEED to be thought of as delicate and fragile for the hierarchy to be maintained. Patriarchy would be obsolete if these "truths" were shown to be false.
Some of those "men" said they chose to live this way because they would have more freedom. Sucks when you have to identify as a man to be "whole", allowed to do things, and deserving of human rights.
And it's not just in backwards societies. This Tedx talk talks about masculinity and at a certain point, Tony Porter says that when he asked a football player how he would react if someone told him he was playing like a girl, the football player said, "It would DESTROY me". Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td1PbsV6B80&t=5m5s
Transcript Excerpt:
I come to also look at this as this fear that we have as men, this fear that just has us paralyzed, holding us hostage to this man box. I can remember speaking to a 12-year-old boy, a football player, and I asked him, I said, "How would you feel if, in front of all the players, your coach told you you were playing like a girl?" Now I expected him to say something like, I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that. No, the boy said to me -- the boy said to me, "It would destroy me." And I said to myself, "God, if it would destroy him to be called a girl, what are we then teaching him about girls?"
I come to also look at this as this fear that we have as men, this fear that just has us paralyzed, holding us hostage to this man box. I can remember speaking to a 12-year-old boy, a football player, and I asked him, I said, "How would you feel if, in front of all the players, your coach told you you were playing like a girl?" Now I expected him to say something like, I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that. No, the boy said to me -- the boy said to me, "It would destroy me." And I said to myself, "God, if it would destroy him to be called a girl, what are we then teaching him about girls?"
This is the problem with being a woman, why it's so much easier to be a man. We're shoved into this bubble of "what men think we are". The worst thing about being a woman is how men define women. __ Other good things to watch: Missrepresentation (the documentary)
Monday, May 25, 2015
0
You will "Grow into" Your Partner and Your Marriage
One advantage of being in an Indian marriage (arranged) mindset is that there is no such thing as soulmates. I don't believe in soulmates, and I think that is just the one thing that the West's ideas of love and marriage have gotten wrong. I think that instead of soulmates, there are many people that you can be compatible with and live your life with, some more compatible than others.
However, one disadvantage of not believing in soulmates is that your parents think you can just settle with anyone, even if you don't love them. Isn't that what the whole idea of arranged marriage is about? That you find a girl or boy, ask them a few questions, and if your values/beliefs match, then there is no need to sweat the small stuff, such as likes and dislikes. There is some truth to this, but at the same time you have to be similar enough where you can understand each other.
One good analogy for this is niceness. Most people are nice, that is a fact, or maybe something I choose to believe in. Also, most people want a partner who is also nice. With that logic, people would be compatible with almost everyone they meet, however we know that's not the case. There has to be that something that makes you feel like you click on a different level than you click with most people you meet.
But it seems that Indian parents vehemently want to believe in this logic. When they find someone your age with the same mindsets as them, they think that at first you won't mix but "theere theere love ho jayega". They think if you live with someone for a long time, love will automatically form. That is why in their main criteria, they look for how much money a boy earns and if he is from a "respectable" family, or how educated, religious and homely a girl is, instead of looking at how they fit with their child.
That is why if there is a very eligible bachelor in town, and all the girls' families want him, girls are told that they would be lucky to have him, even if they have nothing in common and radically different ideas. It is almost like the guy/girl has to make the parents' checklist before making it into the child's checklist, even though it is the child that has to spend their life with that person.
If a marriage isn't working out, then elders tell the couple it will 'take some time' and to 'adjust'. And the girl is especially supposed to mold herself seamlessly into her husband's family. You are told you will "grow into" the marriage. But does that really happen?
That's why the comment below from this thread on Reddit really stuck me (especially the underlined part).
However, one disadvantage of not believing in soulmates is that your parents think you can just settle with anyone, even if you don't love them. Isn't that what the whole idea of arranged marriage is about? That you find a girl or boy, ask them a few questions, and if your values/beliefs match, then there is no need to sweat the small stuff, such as likes and dislikes. There is some truth to this, but at the same time you have to be similar enough where you can understand each other.
One good analogy for this is niceness. Most people are nice, that is a fact, or maybe something I choose to believe in. Also, most people want a partner who is also nice. With that logic, people would be compatible with almost everyone they meet, however we know that's not the case. There has to be that something that makes you feel like you click on a different level than you click with most people you meet.
But it seems that Indian parents vehemently want to believe in this logic. When they find someone your age with the same mindsets as them, they think that at first you won't mix but "theere theere love ho jayega". They think if you live with someone for a long time, love will automatically form. That is why in their main criteria, they look for how much money a boy earns and if he is from a "respectable" family, or how educated, religious and homely a girl is, instead of looking at how they fit with their child.
That is why if there is a very eligible bachelor in town, and all the girls' families want him, girls are told that they would be lucky to have him, even if they have nothing in common and radically different ideas. It is almost like the guy/girl has to make the parents' checklist before making it into the child's checklist, even though it is the child that has to spend their life with that person.
If a marriage isn't working out, then elders tell the couple it will 'take some time' and to 'adjust'. And the girl is especially supposed to mold herself seamlessly into her husband's family. You are told you will "grow into" the marriage. But does that really happen?
That's why the comment below from this thread on Reddit really stuck me (especially the underlined part).
It depends. If the girl is from the same mindset as your parents(traditional, religious), you probably won't 'grow into it' because the two of you are so ideologically different.
Your parents probably don't understand the complete situation from your point of view. They probably think you just have a few different lifestyle choices and tastes, and it's a passing phase which you will grow out of, but both you and I know it's more than that.
If you are really lucky, your parents will find a girl with a similar mindset as yours. But otherwise, you will not settle down with a girl who is radically different from you.
Thursday, April 30, 2015
0
Ray Rice Controversy and Black Double Standards and Sexism
Taken from: http://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/09/10/black-mens-excuses-for-ray-rice-sound-a-lot-like-the-ones-darren-wilsons-supporters-used-in-ferguson/
I really liked this article, especially because of everything happening in Baltimore right now. I couldn't help but think of this picture:
Black women are always so vocal and passionate when it comes to racial matters but because of this sexist issues get sidelined and are not always supported by both black women and especially black men.
I really liked this article, especially because of everything happening in Baltimore right now. I couldn't help but think of this picture:
Black women are always so vocal and passionate when it comes to racial matters but because of this sexist issues get sidelined and are not always supported by both black women and especially black men.
Black men. Fellas. Brothers.
Stop complaining about Ray Rice’s (much deserved and yet woefully insufficient) punishment. Right now.
When we are beaten, slain and otherwise persecuted, our sisters, our mothers, and our women stand for us with nearly unilateral, unwavering support. They march for us. They cry out our names and demand justice. They support us in our moments of quiet fear when we shed the bitter tears of self-doubt and fatigue.
Why aren’t we doing the same?
Stephen A. Smith wasn’t alone in blaming black women for the violence against them. Too many black men are making shameful attempts to explain away the punch that Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice laid on his then-fiancee, Janay Palmer. The caught-on-tape abuse earned Rice an indefinite suspension from the NFL this week. That’s the least he should suffer for knocking a woman unconscious. It’s foolish to watch that video and see it any other way.
And yet, black men are complaining about Ray Rice’s punishment and diminishing his actions:
“It couldn’t have been that bad. She married him.”
It doesn’t matter.
“She should know he’s a big man and, if provoked, he’s gonna hit back.”
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
“He’s trained to hit. He can’t stop it. It’s a reflex.”
That’s absurd and, even if it were true, it doesn’t matter.
When you say these kinds of things — when you look for ways to go easy on Ray Rice — you are doing two things: First, you’re telling black women, “Your lives and your sense of safety have less value to me than the recreational sports that I watch ritually.” You’re telling the women who stand for you, cry for you and demand justice for you, “Thanks for all that, but don’t mess with my game.” You damage their feeling of safety with you. You reinforce the perception that they are alone in their struggle. All of that leaves them even more vulnerable in a society that so often leaves them behind.
The second thing you do – and this is irony – is borrow from the script of people like Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson’s supporters. Let’s compare notes:
“He shouldn’t have been in the street.”
It doesn’t matter.
“He should have listened to the cop.”
It doesn’t matter.
“It was reflex. Cops are trained to shoot to kill. He couldn’t help it.”
Are you seeing the terrifying parallel? None of these excuses matter.
Brothers, recognize wrong and stand up for what’s right. Whatever happened between Ray and Janay Rice, and whatever they did to patch things up, is irrelevant. The bottom line is that no man has business hitting — let alone knocking out — any woman over a spat. He should regard the use of his body against her as lethal force and exercise restraint above all else.
Stop complaining about Ray Rice’s suspension. Stop minimizing his behavior. Stop giving in to blind idol worship.
And stop sipping your tea. This is your business.
When one of our sisters is hurt, abused or in peril, it’s our business. Because when some authority has us jammed against a car with guns drawn on us, they always make it their business to speak out. They throw themselves in peril to see us safe.
It’s a shame when we cannot do the same.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
0
Dr. Priya Vedi, on right shown with her gay husband
I can't help but think that from the outside, this looks like a perfect, ideal match that all parents aspire their children to have. Both are fair, beautiful people and both followed their mummi-puppas wishes to study hard and become the most idealized career in all of India, doctor. And when it was time to marry, both did the traditional arranged marriage and followed their parents in that. The bride was particularly beautiful, smart but took care of the household's needs and followed traditional rules like wearing a mangalsutra and rakhi. The husband was traditionally macho, with no hint of a smile and the typical domineering Indian husband. In the photo, he has one hand in his pocket and the other possessively over his wife.
I can imagine the marriage to be heavily celebrated from both sides, with parents patting themselves on the back for finding such a perfect match, especially for the girl since her parents are tailors. Both sides placed a lot of emotional, financial and physical investment in the marriage, each knowing it would earn them respect in the society. Their children were the cause of their happiness.
With all this pressure on them to succeed and look like a perfect match from the outside, no one could tell what was really happening on the inside. Indian society is truly about building an illusion of perfection.
They followed the path to happiness, both by their genetic good looks and academic studies, so it is important to wonder, what went wrong?
AIIMS Doctor commits suicide after long history with gay husband
Dr. Priya Vedi, on right shown with her gay husband
I can't help but think that from the outside, this looks like a perfect, ideal match that all parents aspire their children to have. Both are fair, beautiful people and both followed their mummi-puppas wishes to study hard and become the most idealized career in all of India, doctor. And when it was time to marry, both did the traditional arranged marriage and followed their parents in that. The bride was particularly beautiful, smart but took care of the household's needs and followed traditional rules like wearing a mangalsutra and rakhi. The husband was traditionally macho, with no hint of a smile and the typical domineering Indian husband. In the photo, he has one hand in his pocket and the other possessively over his wife.
I can imagine the marriage to be heavily celebrated from both sides, with parents patting themselves on the back for finding such a perfect match, especially for the girl since her parents are tailors. Both sides placed a lot of emotional, financial and physical investment in the marriage, each knowing it would earn them respect in the society. Their children were the cause of their happiness.
With all this pressure on them to succeed and look like a perfect match from the outside, no one could tell what was really happening on the inside. Indian society is truly about building an illusion of perfection.
They followed the path to happiness, both by their genetic good looks and academic studies, so it is important to wonder, what went wrong?
Monday, April 13, 2015
0
This could not have come at a better time...
As you know I am in the middle of my own arranged marriage dilemma....I have talked about it at length before and my parents are outright pressuring me to move forward with the matches they have selected....criteria being theirs of course that he should be vegetarian, Gujarati , Brahmin and a doctor with distinction and very obedient to tradition and religious. They've never acted like this before so it's really freaking me out and I can't even get through a conversation on an unrelated subject without this coming up. My parents, especially mom has retro ideas about how girls need to be taken care of financially and protected so they think they are fulfilling their duty by finding someone like that for me. Of course they want me working but my salary s only seen as a plus to his. They even said they would be not be comfortable with me dating a lot of people because it's "not in our culture" to be with more than one person and then dump them and pick another. They also want the guy to be another "Sahara" to them for moral support.
It seems like indian parental love is expressed really different than American because my dad doesn't say he loves me but he says it by proclaiming that HE will only get me married to a doctor, no one else, only the best for his daughter. It is slow and subtle manipulation disguised as love and emotional blackmail, saying stuff like "the good ones are snatched up early" and "you won't find anyone better than him" and "don't you trust us? Don't you want to make us happy?"
I have agreed to an interview since they spent about $700 pimping me out and putting out matrimonial ads describing me as beautiful, essentially exchanging beauty for money. When I told my mom that she said "we don't say stuff like that" and "you fulfill each other's needs...it's not a transaction if we both get what we're looking for in each other". They basically said there's no shame in being a gold digger and it's My money too after we're married. Also they said they will give me $5 each interview. I have no interest in continuing further and I told them that not to get their hopes up even though they seemed more excited than me. I will post an update later.
It seems like indian parental love is expressed really different than American because my dad doesn't say he loves me but he says it by proclaiming that HE will only get me married to a doctor, no one else, only the best for his daughter. It is slow and subtle manipulation disguised as love and emotional blackmail, saying stuff like "the good ones are snatched up early" and "you won't find anyone better than him" and "don't you trust us? Don't you want to make us happy?"
I have agreed to an interview since they spent about $700 pimping me out and putting out matrimonial ads describing me as beautiful, essentially exchanging beauty for money. When I told my mom that she said "we don't say stuff like that" and "you fulfill each other's needs...it's not a transaction if we both get what we're looking for in each other". They basically said there's no shame in being a gold digger and it's My money too after we're married. Also they said they will give me $5 each interview. I have no interest in continuing further and I told them that not to get their hopes up even though they seemed more excited than me. I will post an update later.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
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