Monday, January 9, 2017


Tips for Self Confidence

Before I start, I want to say that I posted this because I had an issue with this with my sister. I was emotional and wearing my heart on my sleeve and she just laughed at me. I realized that you need to be more cool, calm and collected in life. You can't display your true opinions always or show how you're really feeling to everyone. You need to be smart and decide which people need to know what. You can't be the same with everyone.
The vegetarian example is personal because I had someone I just met ask me why I was vegetarian and I have a habit of telling the absolute truth so I said my religion after which she was like "That's weird" which of course broke my heart being the sensitive person that I am but I could tell she picked me because I seemed introverted and because of that, I couldn't get my confidence up for the rest of the night. I need to know how to brush those people off and not take their opinions so seriously.
  • Don't always think about whether people like you or not when you're having a conversation with them. You're giving them the power of approval over you. Don't always need to answer everything.
  • If someone is yelling at you, stay calm and respond quietly and politely. It will make you look level-headed and the other person more unhinged.
  • It's ok to walk out of a conversation if you feel you're being attacked and then come back only when they treat you with respect.
  • Just because someone asks you something doesn't mean you need to tell them the truth or tell them everything. Be selective and deliberate in what you say based on who they are.
  • You don't always need to scramble to find an answer good enough for them.
  • Don't apologize for who you are.
  • Just because someone tells you to do something doesn't mean you need to do it.
  • You are open to suggestions but you make the decision yourself.
  • Just because you say something doesn't mean you need to justify yourself or elaborate to others why you did what you did/why you believe in something.
  • It's not your job to reassure everyone or be everyone's everything.
  • Don't immediately open your mouth. Judge the situation, analyze and observe the people and customize what you say according to that (personal vs professional situation). Gear it towards the person you want to impress or get something from (boss, etc). Know that what you say impacts your reputation.
*Don't need to say too much and chatter on and on. But what you do decide to say should be important.
  • You don't need to apologize or be bashful/sheepish for your opinions and choices. Learn how to take compliments confidently. For example, someone said I had a good picture and my response was that I had photo shopped it. I thought I was being humble but I wasn't. There's a difference in being humble and having low self esteem.
  • You don't immediately need to have an answer for others the minute they question you. Take a moment of silence to formulate it. Don't "jump" to impress them.
  • Don't immediately react to others/get defensive. Don't be sensitive/reactive/easy to provoke. If someone says something negative on purpose about your strongly held opinion, they are testing you to see how you react.
  • Know that you don't need to react to everything someone says. Sometimes people are just immature and are trying to provoke you/be annoying on purpose. Everything doesn't deserve a response. Have self-control over your anger/emotions. Pick your battles.
  • Example of assertiveness: If someone speaks over you, wait until they are done and then say "As I was saying.." You will look humble because you let them speak and assertive also.
  • Establish boundaries: If someone tries to make fun of you after meeting you, they are trying to see what your limit is and what they can get away with. Nip that shit in the bud. Stop the conversation immediately, make eye contact and say that you will not be treated that way. I had someone make fun of my height seconds after we met and it was clear they thought I was someone who wouldn't say anything and they were right.
  • Don't be intimidated by someone's confidence. Sometimes people act more confident than they are to feel secure.If someone is saying something to you, it is ok to walk out and come back only when they are polite. I was working in a group once and felt like I had to tolerate this behavior because we were a group. I don't have to tolerate that.
  • Don't always need to show people how affected/upset you are/the way you're feeling to people you don't trust or to people who are bullying you. Control your expressions. It makes them have power if you show them how much they affect you.
  • If someone says something negative to you, think about whether it was appropriate for THEM to say it or not. Ex: Question: Why are you vegetarian? Response: That's kind of rude, don't you think? We've only met and you're asking me about my personal ideologies. INSTEAD OF Response: Shrugging shoulders, lowering head and saying "It's just the way I am". You can judge them back also. Think about whether they have the right to ask you that or if they are getting too personal/offensive. You can question them back. Don't have an inferiority complex and start to answer their question.
  • You can be passive aggressive and not say everything directly and truthfully. Use humor to be composed. Ex: Why are you after me because I'm vegetarian? Say this instead: Wow, you're really obsessed with me being vegetarian, aren't you? Say it with a smirk and confidence.
  • Don't always be overenthusiastic and ready to bend backwards to help others. For example, if someone is coming over to visit you, don't jump to show them the sights and attractions and take them out to eat. In short, don't be invested in it too much.
    Be cool- it's alright they're coming over, it's not the best thing ever. Don't stretch yourself.
  • Be collected, calm, in control, confident and deliberate in what you do. Always be in control of yourself--no emotional outbursts etc. Don't be overemotional and understand that people's reactions towards you say more about them than you.
  • You don't need to tell your life story to everyone you meet because it makes them uncomfortable. Don't need to voice your every opinion and thought. Have a funny tidbit to share that shows who you are but not too much. Don't need to share too much.
  • Don't be too available to others or push yourself on others too much. Hold back and be reserved. Don't be full on/overpowering/clingy/overbearing.
  • Don't lay yourself/underestimate/criticize yourself in front of everyone when you meet, meaning you're nothing and the other person is something. No, you're something too. Have some pride.
  • Don't have too many expectations. For example if you meet someone who you connect with, don't immediately think that you're best friends or something. Don't immediately get too attached. Find your happiness in yourself and be grounded in yourself. Have your own life, hobbies, friends.
  • Have self-respect/don't grovel. If you know you are a second option to somebody, you don't need to go crawling towards them.
  • You can listen and nod your head to what somebody says but then go and do your own thing anyways.
  • Realize that sometimes you're going to have to pretend. For example, if Shelia said something hurtful to you, and then you are meeting Shelia at a professional party, you're going to have to pretend like nothing happened. You can't bring your personal stuff in and not talk to Shelia or ask her directly why she was mean to you and expect her to give you an honest answer. Not everything in life is that simple/uncomplicated. Because Shelia will probably laugh in your face for being too naive and then you will cry because you are too sensitive because not everyone is literal like you.
  • Don't be too sensitive to other's opinions/approval. Don't give them that power.
  • You can't make someone like you.
  • Don't believe everything you hear/be an ingenue.
  • Don't need to voice your every thought or show someone who you are and what you believe in right away. Do it bit by bit depending on what you want them to know about you.
  • Don't immediately think that the other person is right and apologize first. Especially if the other person is in a position of power.
  • Don't make enemies but don't take shit either. Be kind but assertive towards everyone. This will be easier if you are secure in yourself.
  • Respond to people smartly. Speak up/call people on their bullshit when you don't like something/feel as if you are being attacked. You're not being entitled. Don't censor your opinions to please everyone because nobody will respect you that way. Have some solid opinions that show who you are. Sure, everyone will like you because you don't take up space/bend to them but no one will respect you. They won't see you as anyone important/worth competing for.
  • Don't have to tell people the details. For example: Why are you graduating late? Say something vague like: It just took me longer to find my path than saying that you didn't like your major and you failed out. Don't say anything negative about you.
  • Everyone loves you until you become competition.
  • Cool, calm, collected, in control, composed, polished.

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