Thursday, April 30, 2015


Ray Rice Controversy and Black Double Standards and Sexism

Taken from:

I really liked this article, especially because of everything happening in Baltimore right now. I couldn't help but think of this picture:

Black women are always so vocal and passionate when it comes to racial matters but because of this sexist issues get sidelined and are not always supported by both black women and especially black men.

Black men. Fellas. Brothers.
Stop complaining about Ray Rice’s (much deserved and yet woefully insufficient) punishment. Right now.
When we are beaten, slain and otherwise persecuted, our sisters, our mothers, and our women stand for us with nearly unilateral, unwavering support. They march for us. They cry out our names and demand justice. They support us in our moments of quiet fear when we shed the bitter tears of self-doubt and fatigue.
Why aren’t we doing the same?
Stephen A. Smith wasn’t alone in blaming black women for the violence against them. Too many black men are making shameful attempts to explain away the punch that Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice laid on his then-fiancee, Janay Palmer. The caught-on-tape abuse earned Rice an indefinite suspension from the NFL this week. That’s the least he should suffer for knocking a woman unconscious. It’s foolish to watch that video and see it any other way.
And yet, black men are complaining about Ray Rice’s punishment and diminishing his actions:
“It couldn’t have been that bad. She married him.”
It doesn’t matter.
“She should know he’s a big man and, if provoked, he’s gonna hit back.”
It doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter.
“He’s trained to hit. He can’t stop it. It’s a reflex.”
That’s absurd and, even if it were true, it doesn’t matter.
When you say these kinds of things — when you look for ways to go easy on Ray Rice — you are doing two things: First, you’re telling black women, “Your lives and your sense of safety have less value to me than the recreational sports that I watch ritually.” You’re telling the women who stand for you, cry for you and demand justice for you, “Thanks for all that, but don’t mess with my game.” You damage their feeling of safety with you. You reinforce the perception that they are alone in their struggle. All of that leaves them even more vulnerable in a society that so often leaves them behind.
The second thing you do – and this is irony – is borrow from the script of people like Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson’s supporters. Let’s compare notes:
“He shouldn’t have been in the street.”
It doesn’t matter.
“He should have listened to the cop.”
It doesn’t matter.
“It was reflex. Cops are trained to shoot to kill. He couldn’t help it.”
Are you seeing the terrifying parallel? None of these excuses matter.
Brothers, recognize wrong and stand up for what’s right. Whatever happened between Ray and Janay Rice, and whatever they did to patch things up, is irrelevant. The bottom line is that no man has business hitting — let alone knocking out — any woman over a spat. He should regard the use of his body against her as lethal force and exercise restraint above all else.
Stop complaining about Ray Rice’s suspension. Stop minimizing his behavior. Stop giving in to blind idol worship.
And stop sipping your tea. This is your business.
When one of our sisters is hurt, abused or in peril, it’s our business. Because when some authority has us jammed against a car with guns drawn on us, they always make it their business to speak out. They throw themselves in peril to see us safe.
It’s a shame when we cannot do the same.

Sunday, April 26, 2015


AIIMS Doctor commits suicide after long history with gay husband

Dr. Priya Vedi, on right shown with her gay husband

I can't help but think that from the outside, this looks like a perfect, ideal match that all parents aspire their children to have. Both are fair, beautiful people and both followed their mummi-puppas wishes to study hard and become the most idealized career in all of India, doctor. And when it was time to marry, both did the traditional arranged marriage and followed their parents in that. The bride was particularly beautiful, smart but took care of the household's needs and followed traditional rules like wearing a mangalsutra and rakhi. The husband was traditionally macho, with no hint of a smile and the typical domineering Indian husband. In the photo, he has one hand in his pocket and the other possessively over his wife.
I can imagine the marriage to be heavily celebrated from both sides, with parents patting themselves on the back for finding such a perfect match, especially for the girl since her parents are tailors. Both sides placed a lot of emotional, financial and physical investment in the marriage, each knowing it would earn them respect in the society. Their children were the cause of their happiness.

With all this pressure on them to succeed and look like a perfect match from the outside, no one could tell what was really happening on the inside. Indian society is truly about building an illusion of perfection.

They followed the path to happiness, both by their genetic good looks and academic studies, so it is important to wonder, what went wrong?

Monday, April 13, 2015


This could not have come at a better time...

As you know I am in the middle of my own arranged marriage dilemma....I have talked about it at length before and my parents are outright pressuring me to move forward with the matches they have selected....criteria being theirs of course that he should be vegetarian, Gujarati , Brahmin and a doctor with distinction and very obedient to tradition and religious. They've never acted like this before so it's really freaking me out and I can't even get through a conversation on an unrelated subject without this coming up. My parents, especially mom has retro ideas about how girls need to be taken care of financially and protected so they think they are fulfilling their duty by finding someone like that for me. Of course they want me working but my salary s only seen as a plus to his. They even said they would be not be comfortable with me dating a lot of people because it's "not in our culture" to be with more than one person and then dump them and pick another. They also want the guy to be another "Sahara" to them for moral support.
It seems like indian parental love is expressed really different than American because my dad doesn't say he loves me but he says it by proclaiming that HE will only get me married to a doctor, no one else, only the best for his daughter. It is slow and subtle manipulation disguised as love and emotional blackmail, saying stuff like "the good ones are snatched up early" and "you won't find anyone better than him" and "don't you trust us? Don't you want to make us happy?"

I have agreed to an interview since they spent about $700 pimping me out and putting out matrimonial ads describing me as beautiful, essentially exchanging beauty for money. When I told my mom that she said "we don't say stuff like that" and "you fulfill each other's's not a transaction if we both get what we're looking for in each other". They basically said there's no shame in being a gold digger and it's My money too after we're married. Also they said they will give me $5 each interview. I have no interest in continuing further and I told them that not to get their hopes up even though they seemed more excited than me. I will post an update later.