Thursday, February 19, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
0
Occasional Link Day!
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/sunday-times/deep-focus/Pants-prejudice/articleshow/46161141.cms?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=TOI
https://freemindtree.wordpress.com/2014/03/07/being-the-modern-age-bahus/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/07/06/how-to-talk-when-a-prospective-groom-comes-to-see-you-101/
http://feminisminindia.com/iitiimshaadi-com/
http://feminisminindia.com/photos-msrit-students-challenge-gender-stereotypes/
http://archive.mid-day.com/columnists/2013/apr/280413-opinion-rahul-da-cunha-i-am-the-great-indian-male.htm
http://campuswriting.com/2013/07/02/a-big-fat-indian-wedding/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/07/01/how-did-we-turn-into-such-a-regressive-society/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-entitled-to-love/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-to-choose-what-you-wear/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/love-or-arraigned-marriage/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/love-economy/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-entitled-to-love/
https://moonymadness.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/marriage-the-indian-way/
https://gurtejthegps.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/marriage-the-biggest-trading-in-india/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/the-culture-of-arrange-marriages-in-india/
http://tvaraj.com/2013/05/17/an-email-from-an-indian-father-i-want-to-place-on-record-my-own-story-as-a-warning-to-anyone/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/the-culture-of-arrange-marriages-in-india/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2014/06/17/arranged-marriages-in-modern-times/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/to-find-the-best-for-the-rest-of-your-life/
http://campuswriting.com/2013/07/02/a-big-fat-indian-wedding/
https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/youre-going-to-be-with-your-in-laws-for-only-a-few-days-in-a-year-so-why-cant-you-live-the-way-they-want-and-keep-every-one-happy/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/a-cute-letter-from-a-newly-married-indian-girl-to-her-mother/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/the-day-i-stopped-smiling-at-strangers/
https://motherhoodnmore.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/arranged-marriage-vs-choice-marriage/
http://feminisminindia.com/be-like-a-lady/
http://feminisminindia.com/subtle-sexism-pets-feminism/
http://feminisminindia.com/a-letter-from-indian-men/
http://feministing.com/2015/02/09/chart-of-the-day-male-profs-are-geniuses-female-ones-are-bossy/
http://thedailyheadline.com/2015/02/theyve-married-56-years-first-time-theyve-answered-question/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/a-letter-from-the-great-indian-guys/
https://freemindtree.wordpress.com/2014/03/07/being-the-modern-age-bahus/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/07/06/how-to-talk-when-a-prospective-groom-comes-to-see-you-101/
http://feminisminindia.com/iitiimshaadi-com/
http://feminisminindia.com/photos-msrit-students-challenge-gender-stereotypes/
http://archive.mid-day.com/columnists/2013/apr/280413-opinion-rahul-da-cunha-i-am-the-great-indian-male.htm
http://campuswriting.com/2013/07/02/a-big-fat-indian-wedding/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/07/01/how-did-we-turn-into-such-a-regressive-society/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-entitled-to-love/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/20/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-to-choose-what-you-wear/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/love-or-arraigned-marriage/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/love-economy/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/because-you-are-a-girl-you-are-not-entitled-to-love/
https://moonymadness.wordpress.com/2013/05/13/marriage-the-indian-way/
https://gurtejthegps.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/marriage-the-biggest-trading-in-india/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/the-culture-of-arrange-marriages-in-india/
http://tvaraj.com/2013/05/17/an-email-from-an-indian-father-i-want-to-place-on-record-my-own-story-as-a-warning-to-anyone/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/the-culture-of-arrange-marriages-in-india/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2014/06/17/arranged-marriages-in-modern-times/
https://ultramatrimony.wordpress.com/2013/06/06/to-find-the-best-for-the-rest-of-your-life/
http://campuswriting.com/2013/07/02/a-big-fat-indian-wedding/
https://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/2013/07/05/youre-going-to-be-with-your-in-laws-for-only-a-few-days-in-a-year-so-why-cant-you-live-the-way-they-want-and-keep-every-one-happy/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2014/08/27/a-cute-letter-from-a-newly-married-indian-girl-to-her-mother/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/07/the-day-i-stopped-smiling-at-strangers/
https://motherhoodnmore.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/arranged-marriage-vs-choice-marriage/
http://feminisminindia.com/be-like-a-lady/
http://feminisminindia.com/subtle-sexism-pets-feminism/
http://feminisminindia.com/a-letter-from-indian-men/
http://feministing.com/2015/02/09/chart-of-the-day-male-profs-are-geniuses-female-ones-are-bossy/
http://thedailyheadline.com/2015/02/theyve-married-56-years-first-time-theyve-answered-question/
https://thereandtheir.wordpress.com/2013/05/05/a-letter-from-the-great-indian-guys/
Sunday, February 8, 2015
0
1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back
Even in America, which is considered to be one of the most egalitarian countries in the world and a "1st World" country, has people like these....
Item 1: http://www.thegloss.com/2011/03/02/sex-and-dating/smart-men-tell-us-why-they-date-dumb-women/
The comments on this are atrocious. Yes, the men surveyed might have their own opinions regarding why they want a "stay at home, dumb" gal and that is their own preference.
Here are the award winning comments: (/s)
It's obvious that the Male biology (and ego) makes us want to be the dominant one in the relationship, I think every guy admitted to this in some way. But I think Hedge Funder hints at an important point. The Female biology wants a mate that she can look up to or respect as her superior in some way. Otherwise she loses respect for him and with that goes desirability as a mate. As he says, "Every alpha woman I know wants to be with a man who is as successful as her or more so." Men do NOT need this. Every man I know, after maturing past sowing their oats as it were, wants a woman that can love him in a way that he feels secure in her love. Whether that's cooking him dinner, being there emotionally after a rough day at work, having intellectually stimulating conversation, being a partner in business, a travel companion, bearing him healthy children or simply being an affectionate lover all varies by guy. Whatever it is for him, that's enough. She doesn't need to be successful, smart or anything else.
So picture this: You're a semi-successful, attractive business man. You're not really aware of what that key female trait is for you, but your heart draws you to it anyway so you don't need to be. Now, you are drawn to both a waitress and professional business woman. Who is it easier to Get Noticed By? Who is it easier to Impress? (Yes we all want to feel like we are impressing you!) Who is it easier to spend time with? Who is it easier to fall in Love with? If, in this scenario, the guy would be just as happy with either woman, Who would you choose?
Women are like assets. Dumb women are easier to manage and therefore more valuable. It’s that simple.
Smart girls are the NAGGERS, which also causes stress.
Maybe if smart girls get to spend the man's money they'll shut up, actually I've seen it and no they still nag more than the stupid happy girl.
In short, dumb girls are easy.
No, no, they're hot and easy. You forgot the upside!
women certainly have become very mean to us men and stupid over the years.
perhaps that is why the bible says women must be kept subservient to men. I'm agnostic myself, but all things considered, the bible does seem like a good guide to living life well, especially for stupid people who lack the wisdom to know any better (ie, women)
I want to dominate the relationship (in a virtual way... she wont be my slave, but I like the feeling). Intelligent women wont take that. TURN OFF!!Women may sometimes be somewhat intelligent, but seldom wise.
You feminists want equal opportunities and pay? Okay hypothetically let's say you get it, but afterwards you will complain that your man doesn't make more money than you and that you WANT to feel inferior? Why don't you quit your job and start learning how to please a man then biatches, you can't have both at the same time, doesn't take a genius to see that.
You create your own problems and blame the man for them. Is it any wonder why you turn men off? The only option you rich ladies have is to equally do as men do and try to buy a boytoy, and don't complain about it because we sure don't complain about hot bimbos.
Thanks, someone had to express that sentiment. It's always annoying to read about men using women to bolster their egos.
But of course what you say is not true. Most women, with their backwards laws of sexual attraction, still want these men more than any others, despite the force of reason in the back of their minds telling them these guys have used many women and have a 99% higher chance of being infected. As anyone who's taken at least psychology 101 should know, this isn't just pop psychology.
But all women are dumb, don't you see?
Perhaps with dumb women there are less questions to answer when they date them and they can satisfy them with gifts and all.
#1 and #7 are spot on. Two people who work like demons won't have any time for each other at all. One person has to be the hunter, the other, the gatherer. Hedge fund guy is a bottom-line, brass tacks person who can understand this. It isn't so much what people 'want,' it's what workable, and what isn't, according to the resources and capabilities at hand.
Think hedge-fund guy is a bit 'cold? 'in his practical way of thinking? Think about it this way; if we didn't have people like him - people who are capable of cutting through the emotional fluff to the raw data that helps SOLVE PROBLEMS - we'd be screwed.
#7 thinks in terms of economics. Also a good way to measure things.
someone tell matt langer to shut the fuck up (matt was the only feminist on the thread)
I don't think this question is thoroughly precise but by the way it is ask I presume the answer would be "because it is less intimidating to the ego of the man, and less pressure on him to start anything with a easier woman. "smart women" tends to be corrective and takes it too literally" Dating is meant to be fun.
smart women have big ego's and are actually more stupid than "stupid" girls who have much easier lives shopping and playing all from just looking good and leveraging their power of physical attraction to the fullest. They are jealous that their schooling didn't get them farther in life than the lazy ditz that just used the age old method prostitution. They are jealous that they are uglier too I bet.
In my experience a woman has no use for a man she looks down on. If she's taller, or smarter, or makes more money, that's one strike against him.
Why would a guy waste his time when he's already behind on the count?
A woman can't love a guy she doesn't respect. If there are more 'betters' on her side than his, she will never respect that guy enough to love him. Period. End of story.
How many high-caliber, urban career women do you know who are dating high-school teachers, union electricians, or cable installers? None? I thought so.
Let' stop slinging the crap and get with reality. Nature is what it is. Accept it, or suffer.
2. Item 2: "Like A Girl" Video
Here were one of the comments that really got me down. Our world might be improving in terms of gender relations but if parents teach children that gender equality doesn't matter then it will go on for generations. You can just imagine this little boy growing up to laugh off feminism and not give another thought to what are supposed to be thought provoking commercials like these.
So we're watching the Superbowl. We'd already had one awkward commercial with the domestic violence "pizza" 911 call. But when this "like a girl" spot comes on, it just got real quiet. When it finished, it was like people didn't know what to say. There was kind of a pregnant pause between the ads. At the moment of maximum embarrassment, my son lets out this huge sighing type yawn. I put my arm around him and said, "oh yeah, me too, man." People lost it and laughed for a good two minutes then. (The commercials are just crap this year. What a joke.)
Item 1: http://www.thegloss.com/2011/03/02/sex-and-dating/smart-men-tell-us-why-they-date-dumb-women/
The comments on this are atrocious. Yes, the men surveyed might have their own opinions regarding why they want a "stay at home, dumb" gal and that is their own preference.
Here are the award winning comments: (/s)
It's obvious that the Male biology (and ego) makes us want to be the dominant one in the relationship, I think every guy admitted to this in some way. But I think Hedge Funder hints at an important point. The Female biology wants a mate that she can look up to or respect as her superior in some way. Otherwise she loses respect for him and with that goes desirability as a mate. As he says, "Every alpha woman I know wants to be with a man who is as successful as her or more so." Men do NOT need this. Every man I know, after maturing past sowing their oats as it were, wants a woman that can love him in a way that he feels secure in her love. Whether that's cooking him dinner, being there emotionally after a rough day at work, having intellectually stimulating conversation, being a partner in business, a travel companion, bearing him healthy children or simply being an affectionate lover all varies by guy. Whatever it is for him, that's enough. She doesn't need to be successful, smart or anything else.
So picture this: You're a semi-successful, attractive business man. You're not really aware of what that key female trait is for you, but your heart draws you to it anyway so you don't need to be. Now, you are drawn to both a waitress and professional business woman. Who is it easier to Get Noticed By? Who is it easier to Impress? (Yes we all want to feel like we are impressing you!) Who is it easier to spend time with? Who is it easier to fall in Love with? If, in this scenario, the guy would be just as happy with either woman, Who would you choose?
Women are like assets. Dumb women are easier to manage and therefore more valuable. It’s that simple.
Smart girls are the NAGGERS, which also causes stress.
Maybe if smart girls get to spend the man's money they'll shut up, actually I've seen it and no they still nag more than the stupid happy girl.
In short, dumb girls are easy.
No, no, they're hot and easy. You forgot the upside!
women certainly have become very mean to us men and stupid over the years.
perhaps that is why the bible says women must be kept subservient to men. I'm agnostic myself, but all things considered, the bible does seem like a good guide to living life well, especially for stupid people who lack the wisdom to know any better (ie, women)
I want to dominate the relationship (in a virtual way... she wont be my slave, but I like the feeling). Intelligent women wont take that. TURN OFF!!Women may sometimes be somewhat intelligent, but seldom wise.
You feminists want equal opportunities and pay? Okay hypothetically let's say you get it, but afterwards you will complain that your man doesn't make more money than you and that you WANT to feel inferior? Why don't you quit your job and start learning how to please a man then biatches, you can't have both at the same time, doesn't take a genius to see that.
You create your own problems and blame the man for them. Is it any wonder why you turn men off? The only option you rich ladies have is to equally do as men do and try to buy a boytoy, and don't complain about it because we sure don't complain about hot bimbos.
Thanks, someone had to express that sentiment. It's always annoying to read about men using women to bolster their egos.
But of course what you say is not true. Most women, with their backwards laws of sexual attraction, still want these men more than any others, despite the force of reason in the back of their minds telling them these guys have used many women and have a 99% higher chance of being infected. As anyone who's taken at least psychology 101 should know, this isn't just pop psychology.
But all women are dumb, don't you see?
Perhaps with dumb women there are less questions to answer when they date them and they can satisfy them with gifts and all.
#1 and #7 are spot on. Two people who work like demons won't have any time for each other at all. One person has to be the hunter, the other, the gatherer. Hedge fund guy is a bottom-line, brass tacks person who can understand this. It isn't so much what people 'want,' it's what workable, and what isn't, according to the resources and capabilities at hand.
Think hedge-fund guy is a bit 'cold? 'in his practical way of thinking? Think about it this way; if we didn't have people like him - people who are capable of cutting through the emotional fluff to the raw data that helps SOLVE PROBLEMS - we'd be screwed.
#7 thinks in terms of economics. Also a good way to measure things.
someone tell matt langer to shut the fuck up (matt was the only feminist on the thread)
I don't think this question is thoroughly precise but by the way it is ask I presume the answer would be "because it is less intimidating to the ego of the man, and less pressure on him to start anything with a easier woman. "smart women" tends to be corrective and takes it too literally" Dating is meant to be fun.
smart women have big ego's and are actually more stupid than "stupid" girls who have much easier lives shopping and playing all from just looking good and leveraging their power of physical attraction to the fullest. They are jealous that their schooling didn't get them farther in life than the lazy ditz that just used the age old method prostitution. They are jealous that they are uglier too I bet.
In my experience a woman has no use for a man she looks down on. If she's taller, or smarter, or makes more money, that's one strike against him.
Why would a guy waste his time when he's already behind on the count?
A woman can't love a guy she doesn't respect. If there are more 'betters' on her side than his, she will never respect that guy enough to love him. Period. End of story.
How many high-caliber, urban career women do you know who are dating high-school teachers, union electricians, or cable installers? None? I thought so.
Let' stop slinging the crap and get with reality. Nature is what it is. Accept it, or suffer.
2. Item 2: "Like A Girl" Video
Here were one of the comments that really got me down. Our world might be improving in terms of gender relations but if parents teach children that gender equality doesn't matter then it will go on for generations. You can just imagine this little boy growing up to laugh off feminism and not give another thought to what are supposed to be thought provoking commercials like these.
So we're watching the Superbowl. We'd already had one awkward commercial with the domestic violence "pizza" 911 call. But when this "like a girl" spot comes on, it just got real quiet. When it finished, it was like people didn't know what to say. There was kind of a pregnant pause between the ads. At the moment of maximum embarrassment, my son lets out this huge sighing type yawn. I put my arm around him and said, "oh yeah, me too, man." People lost it and laughed for a good two minutes then. (The commercials are just crap this year. What a joke.)
Men are stronger, taller and faster than women, we are better in spatial coordination and have a better sense of direction, we have better hand-eye coordination and more precise control of large muscle movement and we have a better sense of perspective, all this makes us better at sport, it's undeniable, in most sports top female athletes can't compete with their top male counterparts, so it makes perfect sense to say like a girl when it comes to sports.
Since these traits are hardwired into the female brain, did it ever occur to you (feminists) that from an evolutionary standpoint, females are not supposed to have high confidence and self-esteem?
There is almost always a reason for everything in this world being the way it is...
Did you ever think girls lack self-confidence for a reason determined by nature and that you are fighting nature?
There is almost always a reason for everything in this world being the way it is...
Did you ever think girls lack self-confidence for a reason determined by nature and that you are fighting nature?
You run, hit, fight, throw, etc. like a girl because women are physically weaker than men.
That's why in sports you have women's league and men's league.
Get an all female team play against an all male team in any sport, see who wins.
That's why in sports you have women's league and men's league.
Get an all female team play against an all male team in any sport, see who wins.
Lmfao "a girl's confidence plummets when they start puberty" What about males? the male suicide rates are way higher..
The way the little girls ran and punch kind of proved that they're not very good at it
One of the most annoying things for me is when someone tries to prove me, that I insult him/her but I don't do that in fact. Phrase "like a girl" is insulting for men, but not for women. If I would say "You wear like girl" to guy would that be insult for women? No! That would be insult for this guy. So why saying "You run like girl" is an insult for women?! I have no damn idea why.
Anyways, a few days ago I saw woman, which literally was running "like girl" and I thought this is very cute. Then I remembered this feminist bullshit, so I returned here to say what I think about that.
Anyways, a few days ago I saw woman, which literally was running "like girl" and I thought this is very cute. Then I remembered this feminist bullshit, so I returned here to say what I think about that.
I disagree with this...Its NOT meant as an insult..its TRUE! That most girls do those things..its not a slam but reality...Stereo Types arent bad, they are reality...ONLY in the last 3-4 years have stereo types become NEGATIVE...Yes people get offended, it happens...cant please everyone...sorry! Our society seems to be losing the ability to laugh at yourself olr to accept yourself...
it's not a matter of insulting, it's scientific fact, girls are not built to be athletic. before puberty, we are equal to boys, after it we are not. when i was in 6th grade i could run fast and do pull ups, in 7th grade i could not.
Girls are sissies if my opinion and should stick to playing with dolls.
Why is it that Girls must want to be like boys? Everyone knows that in the early phase of life girls develop faster than boys mentally and even physically but then later their bodies change as do boys. This is normal and mainly due to testosterone. Please people can we stop forcing girls to try to be boys and boys to try to be girls. I am so sick of a homogenous society where everyone must be equally good at everything and no-one is allowed their own identity whether thats a mental identity, gender or emotional one. Everyone is different race, religion, gender etc all combine to make us a world of unique people. Please stop forcing us to all be the same and rather appreciate the wonder of all out uniqueness.
Why do you think that whenever something comes out to empower women, men have to always put it down and trivialize and dismiss it? What was your "favorite" comment from this, and what would your response be to it? What do you think about all of this.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
0
7 Reasons I Don't Like Family Weddings
Link: http://feminisminindia.com/family-weddings/
These sentences really stood out to me:
I am more concerned and nearly fearful about how things would pan out if I am constantly badgered and forced-fed the idea of how important it is to become a wife before anything else that I actually aspire to become. Maybe it’s just me, but a hasty decision is something I am always wary of. And when it comes to the whys, whens and who’s of marriage I would like to tread that path with utmost caution.
As per my observation, most Indian marriages are unfulfilled, frustrating and alarmingly unequal. Women and men are under pressure for the most trivial things that aren’t necessarily to do with their marriage itself. While women are under pressure to be a good wife, a good bahu, dress traditionally, cook well, be a good mother and give birth to a son; men are under pressure to work long hours, earn enough, be a good husband (only as much as the mother approves), be a good father (but not a primary caregiver) and so on.
Wedding ceremonies are not fun! They’re a trivial affair, which are only meant to be a parade of how much wealth one’s family has gathered over the years. And if you ask the bride and groom, a very small fraction would actually come out and say they enjoyed their own wedding.
Any society that demands of one’s marital status to be affirmative to be ‘accepted’ in is not worth being a part of.
Most abusive marriages have had a woman fall victim to exploitation by the family in the name of dowry, childbirth (for a male child) and so on. Wife beating and domestic violence are, again, very real and issues one can’t overlook. A woman can be far more secure, happy and stable staying away from these.
In most Indian marriages, women are discouraged from working or having a life that is different from what is supposedly prescribed by elders. Financial stability and equality can be better established when both partners are breadwinners and one doesn’t rely on the other for support. Moreover, if I don’t have liabilities that need my financial support and earn enough to have a disposable income, I am in a better financial position than I will be having to account for every penny I intend on spending.
The only reason (bad) marriages in India last long no matter what is because of the social stigma that divorces go through in India. I’m not saying it’s always a good thing, but a bad marriage in the West is nipped at the bud and there isn’t a painful and frustrating need to go through the ordeal just because ‘people will talk’.
If divorce wasn’t that big a deal in India, we would’ve had two happier people for every unhappy couple.
If people in India stopped seeing their daughters as paraya dhan, future brides, and burdens, most problems in this country regarding gender would miraculously disappear. If people raise daughters to be financially independent and successful human beings and not future daughters-in-law, then half the population of this country would be living a more fulfilling life without having to depend on anyone for giving them support or stability.
So, to all those well-meaning folk at weddings out there, I’m not a burden, and getting and staying married is not the only goal in my life. I will (or will not) get married in my own time—a time that my partner and I feel comfortable with.
All in all, somehow our lives are governed by how others think – first people want us to grow up and go to college, then get a job, then get married, then they want us to have a baby, then we are asked to have another baby and amidst all this, life just passes by without you realizing.
These sentences really stood out to me:
I am more concerned and nearly fearful about how things would pan out if I am constantly badgered and forced-fed the idea of how important it is to become a wife before anything else that I actually aspire to become. Maybe it’s just me, but a hasty decision is something I am always wary of. And when it comes to the whys, whens and who’s of marriage I would like to tread that path with utmost caution.
As per my observation, most Indian marriages are unfulfilled, frustrating and alarmingly unequal. Women and men are under pressure for the most trivial things that aren’t necessarily to do with their marriage itself. While women are under pressure to be a good wife, a good bahu, dress traditionally, cook well, be a good mother and give birth to a son; men are under pressure to work long hours, earn enough, be a good husband (only as much as the mother approves), be a good father (but not a primary caregiver) and so on.
Wedding ceremonies are not fun! They’re a trivial affair, which are only meant to be a parade of how much wealth one’s family has gathered over the years. And if you ask the bride and groom, a very small fraction would actually come out and say they enjoyed their own wedding.
Any society that demands of one’s marital status to be affirmative to be ‘accepted’ in is not worth being a part of.
Most abusive marriages have had a woman fall victim to exploitation by the family in the name of dowry, childbirth (for a male child) and so on. Wife beating and domestic violence are, again, very real and issues one can’t overlook. A woman can be far more secure, happy and stable staying away from these.
In most Indian marriages, women are discouraged from working or having a life that is different from what is supposedly prescribed by elders. Financial stability and equality can be better established when both partners are breadwinners and one doesn’t rely on the other for support. Moreover, if I don’t have liabilities that need my financial support and earn enough to have a disposable income, I am in a better financial position than I will be having to account for every penny I intend on spending.
The only reason (bad) marriages in India last long no matter what is because of the social stigma that divorces go through in India. I’m not saying it’s always a good thing, but a bad marriage in the West is nipped at the bud and there isn’t a painful and frustrating need to go through the ordeal just because ‘people will talk’.
If divorce wasn’t that big a deal in India, we would’ve had two happier people for every unhappy couple.
If people in India stopped seeing their daughters as paraya dhan, future brides, and burdens, most problems in this country regarding gender would miraculously disappear. If people raise daughters to be financially independent and successful human beings and not future daughters-in-law, then half the population of this country would be living a more fulfilling life without having to depend on anyone for giving them support or stability.
So, to all those well-meaning folk at weddings out there, I’m not a burden, and getting and staying married is not the only goal in my life. I will (or will not) get married in my own time—a time that my partner and I feel comfortable with.
All in all, somehow our lives are governed by how others think – first people want us to grow up and go to college, then get a job, then get married, then they want us to have a baby, then we are asked to have another baby and amidst all this, life just passes by without you realizing.
Monday, February 2, 2015
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Arranged Marriage Truths Compilation Part 4 (Last)
Truths I have found compiled from different blogs and websites....(Last Part 4)
Even today marriages are considered a burden, a job which is to be finished as soon as possible.
Parents feel that their obedient child is happy with whatever they have chosen. But when it comes to understanding the psychology, they step back and expect the child to compromise. Again I want to point out, this is especially with females. They are made to compromise everywhere. They are made to be the subordinate to their brothers before marriage and to husbands after marriage. Where are their own dreams? Why are they shattered before they even think of working on it. Girls do dream about their future partners and this is very natural. But very few could make their dream come true. All because of long flourishing tradition of arrange marriages.
Wellll great article …a traditional marriage in India …has all the elements to re establish the inferiority of the women… leave the “dowry” which is social..all the rituals in the ceremony itself…are all oppressive and insulting to women..Kanyadaan means..the women is a “possession” which is passed on from one man(father) to another man(husband)…Somebody mentioned vermilion here…It NOT a sign of what you think..It is sign that a girl is taken( Lost virginity as first sex has blood (conventional) and the vermilion is RED)
“Let a man be careful to honour his wife, for he owes to her alone all the blessings of his house.” -Talmud.
And finally Meera walked into the living room. Dressed in a simple salwaar kameez she came and served tea to the guests. She sat down grimly beside her parents while the boy’s family continued to stare at her. At last, Meera’s mom decided to break the silence and as she started speaking about her daughter it felt as though she was giving the job profile of her maid. “Oh she can cook anything. Indian, Lebanese, Chinese. She is good at household work too. She is…”
“She is an economics graduate with a post graduation in Business Administration. She is an author of several research papers and has been teaching at the University level for two years.”- finished Meera as she left the room disgusted.
Welcome to 21st Century India. We women are progressing after all. I mean look at us, we have six seats ‘reserved’ for us in public buses. We are leading political parties, multinational corporations; we dance around in movies wearing skimpy clothes without any objection from the Censor Board whatsoever. Ten years into a new era, a woman is no less than a man; she is gritty and brimming with self confidence. She carries herself with élan and smartly conceals that black patch underneath her eye which was a gift from her husband as dinner was not ready when he had come back from work, the night before.
There are thousands of other Meeras who are married off every day to someone they barely know because, ‘their parents know it best’. More often than not, these marriages fail miserably because the very premise of Indian marriages is based on a gender prejudice. Think about it. Why do women alone have to leave their parents house and settle down with her in laws irrespective of whether they respect her or not? We call it tradition but we never mean it. The younger generation although more aware, still feels that- “Only westernized families have the luxury of falling in love.” So then is that it, Is it okay to compromise our own happiness for some obtrusive convention we fondly call, - “TRADITION?”
“May you be the mother of hundred sons.”
For an Indian woman, her greatest accomplishment is motherhood. Everything prior to marriage is preparation. Everything after motherhood is reward for fulfilling her destined role. In Semitic religions, children are considered to be the “Gift of God”which leaves little scope for family planning. As far as a Hindu woman is concerned, it is tacitly understood that she must bear sons. Because, with the birth of a son the continuity and safe keeping of the father’s soul is assured. It is almost implied that bringing up a daughter would be a sheer waste since she is destined to cater to someone else’s family. No matter how much we debate, even in the present times the birth of a son calls for special celebration. And after thirty years, when the same son disposes his parents off to some old age home, his folks continue to believe that it was for their best. One can’t help being taken aback by such an astounding faith in a child whose immediate concern is anything but them.
Stupid Articles
http://www.quora.com/How-does-one-make-sure-that-the-bride-he-is-marrying-in-an-arranged-marriage-has-a-flat-stomach
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2014/05/better-side-arranged-marriages-will-one/
Even today marriages are considered a burden, a job which is to be finished as soon as possible.
Parents feel that their obedient child is happy with whatever they have chosen. But when it comes to understanding the psychology, they step back and expect the child to compromise. Again I want to point out, this is especially with females. They are made to compromise everywhere. They are made to be the subordinate to their brothers before marriage and to husbands after marriage. Where are their own dreams? Why are they shattered before they even think of working on it. Girls do dream about their future partners and this is very natural. But very few could make their dream come true. All because of long flourishing tradition of arrange marriages.
Wellll great article …a traditional marriage in India …has all the elements to re establish the inferiority of the women… leave the “dowry” which is social..all the rituals in the ceremony itself…are all oppressive and insulting to women..Kanyadaan means..the women is a “possession” which is passed on from one man(father) to another man(husband)…Somebody mentioned vermilion here…It NOT a sign of what you think..It is sign that a girl is taken( Lost virginity as first sex has blood (conventional) and the vermilion is RED)
“Let a man be careful to honour his wife, for he owes to her alone all the blessings of his house.” -Talmud.
And finally Meera walked into the living room. Dressed in a simple salwaar kameez she came and served tea to the guests. She sat down grimly beside her parents while the boy’s family continued to stare at her. At last, Meera’s mom decided to break the silence and as she started speaking about her daughter it felt as though she was giving the job profile of her maid. “Oh she can cook anything. Indian, Lebanese, Chinese. She is good at household work too. She is…”
“She is an economics graduate with a post graduation in Business Administration. She is an author of several research papers and has been teaching at the University level for two years.”- finished Meera as she left the room disgusted.
Welcome to 21st Century India. We women are progressing after all. I mean look at us, we have six seats ‘reserved’ for us in public buses. We are leading political parties, multinational corporations; we dance around in movies wearing skimpy clothes without any objection from the Censor Board whatsoever. Ten years into a new era, a woman is no less than a man; she is gritty and brimming with self confidence. She carries herself with élan and smartly conceals that black patch underneath her eye which was a gift from her husband as dinner was not ready when he had come back from work, the night before.
There are thousands of other Meeras who are married off every day to someone they barely know because, ‘their parents know it best’. More often than not, these marriages fail miserably because the very premise of Indian marriages is based on a gender prejudice. Think about it. Why do women alone have to leave their parents house and settle down with her in laws irrespective of whether they respect her or not? We call it tradition but we never mean it. The younger generation although more aware, still feels that- “Only westernized families have the luxury of falling in love.” So then is that it, Is it okay to compromise our own happiness for some obtrusive convention we fondly call, - “TRADITION?”
“May you be the mother of hundred sons.”
For an Indian woman, her greatest accomplishment is motherhood. Everything prior to marriage is preparation. Everything after motherhood is reward for fulfilling her destined role. In Semitic religions, children are considered to be the “Gift of God”which leaves little scope for family planning. As far as a Hindu woman is concerned, it is tacitly understood that she must bear sons. Because, with the birth of a son the continuity and safe keeping of the father’s soul is assured. It is almost implied that bringing up a daughter would be a sheer waste since she is destined to cater to someone else’s family. No matter how much we debate, even in the present times the birth of a son calls for special celebration. And after thirty years, when the same son disposes his parents off to some old age home, his folks continue to believe that it was for their best. One can’t help being taken aback by such an astounding faith in a child whose immediate concern is anything but them.
Stupid Articles
http://www.quora.com/How-does-one-make-sure-that-the-bride-he-is-marrying-in-an-arranged-marriage-has-a-flat-stomach
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2014/05/better-side-arranged-marriages-will-one/
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Arranged Marriage Truths Compilation Part 3
Truths I have found compiled from different blogs and websites....(Part 3)
If you think your parents know you better than your ownself, then its time you start growing up and figuring out what you really are… Its most important to connect to yourself before anyone else and NO, your parents can’t do that for you, mama’s boy… Its good to take your parents’opinion but its pathetic to consider their opinion as the bottom line… Final decision lies with the couple, not the families… They have to live together, families come together barely 3 times a year for festivities… (once in a while as written by you).. And if you need rituals to get to know each other, pray tell us have you gotten married to every friend you ever made in life to get to know him or her better, with something like 20 ceremonies???? And especially bride’s father spending, eh??? why plz??? Is the couple so useless that they cant sponsor their own wedding??? then maybe you should consider getting financially strong before jumping into marriage (n before u jump to stupid conclusions, i mean both should get financially independent, not just the guy).. Grow up, dude…
Marriage is beautiful and love is wonderful. But why cannot we let them both be natural, selective and free from obligations? Falling in love because you have to get married to a certain person out of filial duties and societal set up is anyways obligatory and not anyone’s first choice. It is a compromise.
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2011/07/are-marriages-really-worth-the-drama-the-bias-and-the-money/
I am firmly against arranged marriages since they devalue the individual. I believe that children who are being forced into arranged marriages should abandon their parents and break free from their tribal mindset.
I agree one hundred percent. ..the freedom of living life on your terms very important
Well is answer to the name of your article is yes marriage is a bond of compromise for the bride. I think it is all in our mind. We are independent and no one has any right to infringe our independence. The solution which i suggest is that first the groom needs to support her. He should be the one to stand against the family and support her to live the dreams which she have woven. If he is with her, then no one else matters.
The answer to all your questions lies in this one word-“choice”. Take for example- Many men and women wonder what’s the harm in changing the surname after marriage or how is it suppossed to oppress women? The mere fact that a women have no choice is oppressive. Women who work hard and build their identities with maiden name have to rebuild it many senses when they are compelled to change her name. If given a choice, there will be women who’d take their lovers/husbands surname and there would be many who’d like to keep their maiden surname. Simple. Taking your husband’s surname or not in no way shows how much you love your partner. Also the concept of stay at home dad’s is looked down upon in our society. Men who helped women in daily chores were traditionally labelled Joru ka ghulam.
However this is changing. I have examples at my home. My Brother just married off her girlfriend of four years. They have moved out of my dad’s home to build their own home and they are equal partners. My sister-in-law decided to keep her maiden surname and nobody in my family opposed. My brother loves to make his wife breakfast and do some cleaning on a daily basis.
Once we break out of social stereotypes and so called traditions which are nothing but sham, marriage and such institutions would not be a bond for compromise but a bond for love!
Like it is said, “A new life awaits her”. She is expected to adjust to her in-laws’ mindset and catering to their every need. If a girl does not know how to cook or clean, it is told that her parents didn’t teach her anything. It is she who has to start life from the bottom. This is what is called “The bonding in marriage”.
All a man does is to bring his wife from her house to his own. Nowhere is he affected by the problem that he will have to leave his house and go or he will have to leave his family, friends and all the old relations behind to make new ones. He has the mentality that he has to just bring his wife home. After that she’ll be the one to look after his house and family. Never has it been thought what a woman must be going through while passing through this phase of renovating her life. The question still remains. Why does only a woman leave her everything for the man after marriage? Why not the other way round?
If you think your parents know you better than your ownself, then its time you start growing up and figuring out what you really are… Its most important to connect to yourself before anyone else and NO, your parents can’t do that for you, mama’s boy… Its good to take your parents’opinion but its pathetic to consider their opinion as the bottom line… Final decision lies with the couple, not the families… They have to live together, families come together barely 3 times a year for festivities… (once in a while as written by you).. And if you need rituals to get to know each other, pray tell us have you gotten married to every friend you ever made in life to get to know him or her better, with something like 20 ceremonies???? And especially bride’s father spending, eh??? why plz??? Is the couple so useless that they cant sponsor their own wedding??? then maybe you should consider getting financially strong before jumping into marriage (n before u jump to stupid conclusions, i mean both should get financially independent, not just the guy).. Grow up, dude…
Marriage is beautiful and love is wonderful. But why cannot we let them both be natural, selective and free from obligations? Falling in love because you have to get married to a certain person out of filial duties and societal set up is anyways obligatory and not anyone’s first choice. It is a compromise.
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2011/07/are-marriages-really-worth-the-drama-the-bias-and-the-money/
I am firmly against arranged marriages since they devalue the individual. I believe that children who are being forced into arranged marriages should abandon their parents and break free from their tribal mindset.
I agree one hundred percent. ..the freedom of living life on your terms very important
Well is answer to the name of your article is yes marriage is a bond of compromise for the bride. I think it is all in our mind. We are independent and no one has any right to infringe our independence. The solution which i suggest is that first the groom needs to support her. He should be the one to stand against the family and support her to live the dreams which she have woven. If he is with her, then no one else matters.
The answer to all your questions lies in this one word-“choice”. Take for example- Many men and women wonder what’s the harm in changing the surname after marriage or how is it suppossed to oppress women? The mere fact that a women have no choice is oppressive. Women who work hard and build their identities with maiden name have to rebuild it many senses when they are compelled to change her name. If given a choice, there will be women who’d take their lovers/husbands surname and there would be many who’d like to keep their maiden surname. Simple. Taking your husband’s surname or not in no way shows how much you love your partner. Also the concept of stay at home dad’s is looked down upon in our society. Men who helped women in daily chores were traditionally labelled Joru ka ghulam.
However this is changing. I have examples at my home. My Brother just married off her girlfriend of four years. They have moved out of my dad’s home to build their own home and they are equal partners. My sister-in-law decided to keep her maiden surname and nobody in my family opposed. My brother loves to make his wife breakfast and do some cleaning on a daily basis.
Once we break out of social stereotypes and so called traditions which are nothing but sham, marriage and such institutions would not be a bond for compromise but a bond for love!
Like it is said, “A new life awaits her”. She is expected to adjust to her in-laws’ mindset and catering to their every need. If a girl does not know how to cook or clean, it is told that her parents didn’t teach her anything. It is she who has to start life from the bottom. This is what is called “The bonding in marriage”.
All a man does is to bring his wife from her house to his own. Nowhere is he affected by the problem that he will have to leave his house and go or he will have to leave his family, friends and all the old relations behind to make new ones. He has the mentality that he has to just bring his wife home. After that she’ll be the one to look after his house and family. Never has it been thought what a woman must be going through while passing through this phase of renovating her life. The question still remains. Why does only a woman leave her everything for the man after marriage? Why not the other way round?
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Arranged Marriage Truths Compilation Part 2
Truths I have found compiled from different blogs and websites....(Part 2)
Since childhood, a substantial part of a woman’s socialization is woven around her body. Whether it is her apparel or her posture, she is persistently reminded by her parents, the school and college authority the need to dress in a ‘decent’ manner, the imperative to conduct ‘appropriately’ and is given a list of proscriptions about how she should not sit or walk. An intimate scrutiny would reveal that the autonomy enjoyed by a woman is nominal as she has to be conscious 24×7 about the fashion in which she regulates her body. This preoccupation with the management and administration of a woman’s body insinuates that a woman’s honour and self-esteem rests in her body. Any scar in her body becomes a scar to her pride. Her body becomes synonymous to her womanhood. Hence, any blot to her self-respect can be injected through corporeal violation that would be an injury to her self-esteem too. This perception of purity of a woman’s body underscores the misogynistic attitude within a patriarchal framework that has been trailing the project of civilization.
Young India has a truck load of pretty good reasons to tie the knot. Mind you, they all are very rational and logical. You see, the young India strives for perfection. And what is perfection without a fair, homely convent-educated girl or a teetotaller boy from a decent family based in the USA/UK with a handsome package. What else does one need? The young India follows its timetable very sternly and marriage is of course a part of the timetable. Then come the kids and after that we all know how life goes on.
How does young India contribute to the society? By getting married, which is very important. It is almost a social obligation. And you have to get married, no choice bro! Doesn’t matter if you are ready or not, doesn’t matter if you know, let alone love the person, you have to get married. Because it is the right thing to do. And who told you that? Of course your mommy and papa and they know the best. And who told them? Of course their mommy and papa. Hence it goes on, without any one ever questioning the mommy and papa that why is it so important to get married. It is a tradition, a ritual which has been passed down generations and young India doesn’t dare to raise an eyebrow (well, at least the majority doesn’t). Because you see, we are Indians and we don’t argue back with our elders.
The “strange man” who scared my parents away in my teens is now their favourite. The prime parameters for finding the “good guy” are three – Pics (like Picasa and Photoshop left anyone not-so-presentable), career graph and family background. How is he as a person is so not the point of concern – so it is only obvious that he could be one of those chauvinistic men telling me to quit my job and have no friends!
Unfortunately, most Indian girls are taught to be less ambitious and more docile. An ambitious girl ain’t marriage material! I feel very sad when I see many girls of my age being so dreamy about marriage and all….sometimes I feel, don’t they feel the need to prove they are better than what society thinks?? How can they do the same thing willingly which their mothers did forcefully?
Marriage is supposed to represent the beginning of a beautiful journey, but our society has successfully turned it into a race, in which no girl wants to be left behind. The pressure to fulfill societal expectations often causes one to obsess over marriage, rather than allowing it to happen in its natural course of time.
Since childhood, a substantial part of a woman’s socialization is woven around her body. Whether it is her apparel or her posture, she is persistently reminded by her parents, the school and college authority the need to dress in a ‘decent’ manner, the imperative to conduct ‘appropriately’ and is given a list of proscriptions about how she should not sit or walk. An intimate scrutiny would reveal that the autonomy enjoyed by a woman is nominal as she has to be conscious 24×7 about the fashion in which she regulates her body. This preoccupation with the management and administration of a woman’s body insinuates that a woman’s honour and self-esteem rests in her body. Any scar in her body becomes a scar to her pride. Her body becomes synonymous to her womanhood. Hence, any blot to her self-respect can be injected through corporeal violation that would be an injury to her self-esteem too. This perception of purity of a woman’s body underscores the misogynistic attitude within a patriarchal framework that has been trailing the project of civilization.
Young India has a truck load of pretty good reasons to tie the knot. Mind you, they all are very rational and logical. You see, the young India strives for perfection. And what is perfection without a fair, homely convent-educated girl or a teetotaller boy from a decent family based in the USA/UK with a handsome package. What else does one need? The young India follows its timetable very sternly and marriage is of course a part of the timetable. Then come the kids and after that we all know how life goes on.
How does young India contribute to the society? By getting married, which is very important. It is almost a social obligation. And you have to get married, no choice bro! Doesn’t matter if you are ready or not, doesn’t matter if you know, let alone love the person, you have to get married. Because it is the right thing to do. And who told you that? Of course your mommy and papa and they know the best. And who told them? Of course their mommy and papa. Hence it goes on, without any one ever questioning the mommy and papa that why is it so important to get married. It is a tradition, a ritual which has been passed down generations and young India doesn’t dare to raise an eyebrow (well, at least the majority doesn’t). Because you see, we are Indians and we don’t argue back with our elders.
The “strange man” who scared my parents away in my teens is now their favourite. The prime parameters for finding the “good guy” are three – Pics (like Picasa and Photoshop left anyone not-so-presentable), career graph and family background. How is he as a person is so not the point of concern – so it is only obvious that he could be one of those chauvinistic men telling me to quit my job and have no friends!
Unfortunately, most Indian girls are taught to be less ambitious and more docile. An ambitious girl ain’t marriage material! I feel very sad when I see many girls of my age being so dreamy about marriage and all….sometimes I feel, don’t they feel the need to prove they are better than what society thinks?? How can they do the same thing willingly which their mothers did forcefully?
Marriage is supposed to represent the beginning of a beautiful journey, but our society has successfully turned it into a race, in which no girl wants to be left behind. The pressure to fulfill societal expectations often causes one to obsess over marriage, rather than allowing it to happen in its natural course of time.
0
Arranged Marriage Truths Compilation Part 1
Truths I have found compiled from different blogs and websites....(Part 1)
Basically I first of all don’t believe in marriage in itself. I mean what do you expect that signing a piece of paper doesn’t bring you closer to anyone!! Just putting that ‘mang Mein sindur’ n ‘gale Mein mangalsutra’ doesn’t make a permanent bonding with certain person. Staying under one roof doesn’t help you to fall in love!! Can this piece of paper, mangalsutra and one bed bring two souls any closer if they actually don’t want to??? Its all about your happiness!! If you are happy to stay with a total stranger and spend your life trying to be happy with him then you are most welcome. But if not then better walk out of it. You don’t need to get married for staying happy.
Even if you say that people do fall in love over a period of time in arranged marriages, I will counter you by saying that it happens because they have to. They have no other options but accept what happens. It is a kind of ‘forced love’. Love, whereas, must be natural. (But, our society has a long way to go to start believing in and regarding anything as such. We have to overcome many notions like, “marriage is essential for everyone”, “pre-marital sex is a sin”, “a girl is not the ‘possession of her biological parents” etc., to reach a phase where natural love is what leads to marriage).
I agree with all the critique against the unnecessary pomp and splendor of marriages, the madness around ensuring that people DO GET married, and the horrendous idea of arrange marriage.
They want a woman who is smart and educated but who will be willing to put all that away at the drop of a hat if they ask her to.
This is so true! Sometimes the hypocrisy of the so-called “modern families” kills me. On one hand they want their daughters to be educated. And on the other hand they don’t want them to be “too educated” as that would reduce her desirability in the marriage circuit. They want their daughters to be independent and progressive. And the next moment they want their daughters to give in to the whims of their to-be husbands and in-laws. Its like raising a lamb only to slaughter it later!
My relatives say …”You have lived your life the way you wanted all these years..now its time to get married?” How in the world is that the best pitch for a marriage…you are making it sound like a freaking TRAP!
It must be a hypocritical society when the best choice it can afford to its women is between child marriage, or existing forever as an unmarried child.
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2012/06/her-marriage/
Apparently I am living in some Utopian country- because in my country there is no curfew in hostels- students are considered to be adult, mature and responsible people (men and WOMEN equally), so whatever they decide to do outside the hostel (go for drinking party, date, dance classes), they and only they will take the consequences if anything will happen- I never heard about any case, that parents of the student sued the university or college, because something happened to their kid while studying there (unless some mad professor killed the student :p )- I am a lawyer so I am up to date with such regulations and events. Second thing- background check- of course it is very important for every company to check the potential candidate, whom they are going to hire. But checking the background of father (btw- why only father? Why it is not important to check background of mother? Maybe father is recognized Manager in some big corporation, but mother committed some crime? Inequality, which is totally illogical)- such checking is totally irrelevant- first of all it is violating the legal regulations about privacy and protected data in my country, second of all- why should it matter, who is my mother and father- from the employer’s perspective of view only my data are important- my criminal record, my education and experience, because I will be working for this particular employer, not my mother or father. When it comes to activities and dressing of women- I will say only one thing- you should start taking care about more urgent problems in your country (corruption, female infanticide, poverty, discrimination, terrorism, list is quite long) rather than the length of woman’s dress- plus only uncouth, uncivilized, uneducated man judges woman and her character and morality on the base of her appearance and clothes. I am right now 27 years old, I was studying at one of the best universities in Europe, during that time I was enjoying my student time- I had many hobbies, I was going out for parties, to the cinema, opera, for sport, dance, and also accompanied by males- nothing bad happened to me ever, neither to hundreds of my friends (girls). Did I lose my reputation, because I was renting single apartment or going out with male friends? No, it didn’t happen. This is very good and important article. It’s the high time for India to give up this patriarchal system, which is the system of inequality and oppression, it’s time for starting thinking out of the box, it’s time for mental and social changes- only when society will change, than also stupid rule and regulations will change. You want to ensure safety for women? Educate your men, teach them that women are equal, human beings who deserve the same respect as men, and deserve for the same freedom- freedom of choice and living the life they want.
Basically I first of all don’t believe in marriage in itself. I mean what do you expect that signing a piece of paper doesn’t bring you closer to anyone!! Just putting that ‘mang Mein sindur’ n ‘gale Mein mangalsutra’ doesn’t make a permanent bonding with certain person. Staying under one roof doesn’t help you to fall in love!! Can this piece of paper, mangalsutra and one bed bring two souls any closer if they actually don’t want to??? Its all about your happiness!! If you are happy to stay with a total stranger and spend your life trying to be happy with him then you are most welcome. But if not then better walk out of it. You don’t need to get married for staying happy.
Even if you say that people do fall in love over a period of time in arranged marriages, I will counter you by saying that it happens because they have to. They have no other options but accept what happens. It is a kind of ‘forced love’. Love, whereas, must be natural. (But, our society has a long way to go to start believing in and regarding anything as such. We have to overcome many notions like, “marriage is essential for everyone”, “pre-marital sex is a sin”, “a girl is not the ‘possession of her biological parents” etc., to reach a phase where natural love is what leads to marriage).
I agree with all the critique against the unnecessary pomp and splendor of marriages, the madness around ensuring that people DO GET married, and the horrendous idea of arrange marriage.
They want a woman who is smart and educated but who will be willing to put all that away at the drop of a hat if they ask her to.
This is so true! Sometimes the hypocrisy of the so-called “modern families” kills me. On one hand they want their daughters to be educated. And on the other hand they don’t want them to be “too educated” as that would reduce her desirability in the marriage circuit. They want their daughters to be independent and progressive. And the next moment they want their daughters to give in to the whims of their to-be husbands and in-laws. Its like raising a lamb only to slaughter it later!
My relatives say …”You have lived your life the way you wanted all these years..now its time to get married?” How in the world is that the best pitch for a marriage…you are making it sound like a freaking TRAP!
It must be a hypocritical society when the best choice it can afford to its women is between child marriage, or existing forever as an unmarried child.
http://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2012/06/her-marriage/
Apparently I am living in some Utopian country- because in my country there is no curfew in hostels- students are considered to be adult, mature and responsible people (men and WOMEN equally), so whatever they decide to do outside the hostel (go for drinking party, date, dance classes), they and only they will take the consequences if anything will happen- I never heard about any case, that parents of the student sued the university or college, because something happened to their kid while studying there (unless some mad professor killed the student :p )- I am a lawyer so I am up to date with such regulations and events. Second thing- background check- of course it is very important for every company to check the potential candidate, whom they are going to hire. But checking the background of father (btw- why only father? Why it is not important to check background of mother? Maybe father is recognized Manager in some big corporation, but mother committed some crime? Inequality, which is totally illogical)- such checking is totally irrelevant- first of all it is violating the legal regulations about privacy and protected data in my country, second of all- why should it matter, who is my mother and father- from the employer’s perspective of view only my data are important- my criminal record, my education and experience, because I will be working for this particular employer, not my mother or father. When it comes to activities and dressing of women- I will say only one thing- you should start taking care about more urgent problems in your country (corruption, female infanticide, poverty, discrimination, terrorism, list is quite long) rather than the length of woman’s dress- plus only uncouth, uncivilized, uneducated man judges woman and her character and morality on the base of her appearance and clothes. I am right now 27 years old, I was studying at one of the best universities in Europe, during that time I was enjoying my student time- I had many hobbies, I was going out for parties, to the cinema, opera, for sport, dance, and also accompanied by males- nothing bad happened to me ever, neither to hundreds of my friends (girls). Did I lose my reputation, because I was renting single apartment or going out with male friends? No, it didn’t happen. This is very good and important article. It’s the high time for India to give up this patriarchal system, which is the system of inequality and oppression, it’s time for starting thinking out of the box, it’s time for mental and social changes- only when society will change, than also stupid rule and regulations will change. You want to ensure safety for women? Educate your men, teach them that women are equal, human beings who deserve the same respect as men, and deserve for the same freedom- freedom of choice and living the life they want.
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