Sunday, January 15, 2017


To Have or Not to Have Kids?

In Indian culture, getting married and having kids is a no-brainer. However, it shouldn't be a responsibility to have a child. But before you make any decision, you should think about whether it's right for you. Here are some pros and cons to having or not having children. We will also explore if there is a middle ground.
Obviously since at the moment I have decided to be childfree, I have a lot more pros to that but you can add pros to having children if you can think of any.

Being Childfree

  • Can be independent, yet still family oriented (on your own terms because you are not tied down with a responsibility per se). You can still be a nurturing person and help the world in other ways. 
  • If you have kids, you can still be independent, but obviously not have the same level of independence as someone without kids

  • You can have time to enhance your own mind and body. 
  • If you are sure about your choice, you can have no regrets at the end of your life. 
  • You can be free from attachment and happy at the end. 
  • If you are religious, you can devote your time to God. 

  • You are emotionally stronger if you are not dependent on your family (like so many Indian women are) and have your own sense of identity. 
  • Whatever you achieve will truly be on your own
  • You can still have family values and be family oriented, but you are likelier to be less attached to kids. You can be "connected but free". 
  • You can have more "me" time and more fun in your life. 
  • Can advance your career, travel. 

  • You will have a sense of self that is dependent on who you are, not your value as a mother. 
  • You can have a higher purpose, such as giving time to children from broken families or having more money to donate. You can have an impact on more than one person's life. 
  • Your life can be quiet, relaxing and peaceful. 
  • You can focus on your own goals (be self actualized). 
  • You can have equal respect and freedom from your spouse, whereas in Indian traditional marriages, after having kids, it's expected that you do more as the lady of the house (maintain traditional gender roles). 
  • Less chance of being co-dependent with your children
  • In actuality, you don't need to have your children be from your own blood. There are adopted children who are loved so much, as well as blood fathers and mothers abandoning their child. Love isn't based on blood.
  • There is already overpopulation and not having a child can do more for the environment than any campaign can. 
  • Having small daily drama in family (Johnny didn't get ready for lunch on time, Johnny late for soccer practice, arguments between parents and children) --miss the big picture on the fact that this is not what life's about? Also called everyday drudgery. 
  • However, people will judge you/mock you. A lot of pressure to have kids. 
Having Children
  • You can be "settled down". 
  • "Safety" and someone to take care of you in old age (although not a guarantee they will). 
  • You can live a domestic life. 
  • Survival of lineage/caste system
  • You can be the perfect happy family and "nest". 
  • Making your own comfort zone and bubble
  • Security (although life can change at any moment and that security is illusory)
  • Safety in numbers
  • Life passes by more easily with kids
  • Following the status quo and relating with others
  • There is less "fun" but more "contentment" and "satisfaction" - can this also be achieved by meditation if you don't have kids
  • Warm fuzzy feeling of having your own people that care about you - can this also be achieved by childfree people? 
  • Can pass on your heritage/culture/sanskaar/tradition/legacy to your own blood
  • You have an identity connected to your relationships
  • Deep attachment (good or bad thing?)
  • Kodak/Hallmark moments such as graduation, wedding, etc
  • Having a support circle (but you can still have that if you don't have children)
  • Comparison with other families and what their kids are doing

Middle Ground

  • Although very hard, you can have a life outside of kids if you do choose to have them but it involves having a supporting spouse who actually pitches in. 
  • You can make the children independent from a very young age and not have them be codependent on you. 
  • You can try to put yourself first and still have your own hobbies and identity outside of kids. 

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